Tips for Hosting International Exchange Students
My husband and I have welcomed high school exchange students into our home since 2017. We’ve hosted teenagers from France, Belgium, Mexico, and Japan. I know you landed on this page to read about how AMAZING it is. And yes, I am going to talk about that. But I also want to be transparent- sometimes it is not a fit. I think it's important for you to know that as well!
A little about us: my husband was an exchange student in both high school and in college. He studied in France as a teen and completed his college studies in French Canada. I, on the other hand, didn't have my passport until I was in my early thirties. But once I caught the bug, you couldn't stop me from traveling internationally! My husband and I bonded over our love of travel. We have two children. When we started hosting exchange students our children were five and six years old.
Our first exchange daughter was from France.
She was respectful, mature, and engaged with our family. She had advanced English skills and was also fluent in Spanish!
Hosting exchange students is an easy way to expose your children to language and culture. Both of our children are bilingual (English and Spanish) and my oldest son is now studying French. Hosting exchange students made being multi-lingual common for them.
We eagerly signed up again! However, our next student was not a fit. I pride myself on making home-cooked meals every night. I value family time. Our second exchange daughter continued to bring her cell phone to the dinner table. This was a source of frustration for me. I repeatedly asked her to put away her phone. She not only refused but continued to argue with me about it. Her stay with us did not last long. When she moved out, I felt as if our family was a failure. I had a very hard time with the fact that it wasn’t a fit. I was embarrassed and the experience made me question myself as a mother.
Reflecting back, it's ridiculous for me to have thought that we were an unfit family, but at the time that is how it felt. I say this because I think it’s important to share, that not every student will have the same values as you. I am not talking about cultural differences. Those you can work through. I am talking about values…not rules…values. If they do not value the same thing you do, you will have difficult barriers to overcome and it may not be a fit.
Another example is my husband values safety. He is very adamant that our children tell us where they are going. We don’t GPS track our exchange student’s phones, but we do ask to know the address of the friend’s house they are visiting. We would like to know their whereabouts after school and on weekends. We hosted a student who felt it was a violation of her privacy to always tell us where she was going. She didn't work out.
And yet, despite the hard times, we continue to host. Because it’s worth it!
Our exchange son from Mexico was a role model to our young sons.
He was respectful, and responsible, had extreme patience, and was a great older brother. I take in our exchange students as if they were my own children. I would want a mother in another country to treat my boys as her own.
Our exchange son from Japan exposed our family to a culture we were very unfamiliar with.
My husband and I have traveled extensively throughout Europe and South America but know little about Japanese culture. Having exchange students has broadened our kid’s understanding of the world.
I am a better mother (and wife) when we host. I yell less and make healthier meals. I know I should be doing that already, but I am on my best behavior when we have a guest in the house! (What? I am being honest!) I love taking them to explore the state we live in. Every family has a different reason for hosting. When it is a fit: it is rewarding and a win-win.
Hosting Tips
Set expectations the first week they arrive. Not in the first 24 or 48 hours, but within the first week. Your host organization should give you a list to review with the student. Don't ignore this step.
If a student nods, that doesn’t always mean yes. It means they hear you are talking and trying to process what you are saying. Be sure to check in with them for comprehension.
Teenagers eat a lot. Male teenagers eat even more. Learn to make budget-friendly meals. I use the crock pot often. I also have added more beans, rice, or pasta to our meals to stretch them out.
You don't have to take them to Disneyland or entertain them every weekend. Everyday life like going to Target, Starbucks, and even a trip to Costco are fun excursions.
Simple things like carving a pumpkin are cultural experiences!
Speaking of Disneyland: If you are planning a big trip, be sure to let them know in advance so they can budget for it. You are not responsible to pay for their entertainment tickets. And don't be offended if they cannot go. But I have found that with advanced notice and a clear expectation of what they will be financially responsible for, it’s usually not an issue.
Get them a bike. I am part of a free exchange Facebook group. I asked for an adult bike and someone on the free exchange was quick to give me one. When the weather permits, my students are self-sufficient on their bikes. It helps them learn to navigate the city they live in. It also gives them a sense of freedom not to always have to rely on my schedule.
Every organization should have a coordinator. Both you and the student should meet with them monthly. They are there to guide you and help you work through any issues.
Welcome international students as a part of your family. It truly is life-changing.
About Claudette Shatto
Claudette has lived in the Napa Valley for 22 years. She is married with two young boys.
Claudette is a Professor at Napa Valley College. Her passion project is teaching leadership to first graders. She is currently writing children’s picture books incorporating the entrepreneur/ growth mindset. Follow her @claudetteshatto
About Cultural Homestay International (CHI)
The organization Claudette’s family has worked with is CHI. They are a U.S. Department of State-designated, CSIET-certified Exchange Visitor Program Sponsor.
